I recently experienced that two friends of mine were going through a rough time. Turns out being best friends and in love with the same girl is no good. Well, however, they both have had very different tools to overcome, what I call, the downward spiral. I’d like to share my overall framework I developed so far in my life.
What is it?
It is not a certain condition, but rather a sequence of events, that can lead to having a major panic attack. One of the two unlucky lovers helped me drawing up a detailed instruction manual for being miserable:
- Thinking about any problem (no matter big or small) as it would end the world.
- Seeing no positive outcome whatsoever.
- Realizing, that you are in the downward spiral and accept that this is your life now and everything will just get worse from now on.
- Rinse and repeat.
How to react?
Let me be clear, that I, under no circumstances, want to disregard depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I want to explore the human condition and maybe help others to build a toolkit for overcoming the spiral.
Why should any outward circumstance, that you cannot influence, in any way affect your inner peace? It makes no sense to let independent events create bad mood or malicious thoughts within yourself.
- Instead of looking for problems, accept the situation as it is. Try to see it as objectively as possible.
You and your best friend like the same girl. This has been juicy content for cheesy films, books and gossiping around, but not the end of the world. At this point, you maybe can still find your inner Zen in just being a kind human being detached from the problem. - Be aware of your toolkit. Every time your brain tries to trick you into the spiral, apply it!
You suddenly notice your breaths are flat and fast, you sweat, your extremities are super cold, you cannot get one clear thought out. Congrats! You just accomplished one huge milestone in getting better. Namely, noticing your condition. Then, try what has previously helped you. It may be sports, some breathing technique, going for a walk, talking to a friend. Just think of one small hick-up you had in the past. What helped you then, will now most likely move you at least in the right direction. - Don’t judge! If you cannot get yourself out of the spiral, it doesn’t matter. Be aware that times are hard. Be proud of yourself and that you tried. Avoid judging and hating yourself for anything (getting you into this situation, not getting out of the situation).
- Refocus. No matter whether you effectively applied your toolkit, take a quick breath, and do a recap for just 10 seconds.
Try to answer:
- What happened to your body? (shivers, hot, cold, physical pain, sweat)
- What did I try to do? (breathe, sports, shower, talk, etc.)
Real growth comes from the worst of times.
Be certain there are people out there that love you and no matter what, you have their support. I hope if one day, you find yourself in a similar situation, you can use your toolkit, show love to yourself and overcome whatever is in your way.
